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[Eng] 英文作文改評(3)

英文作文改評(3)

Write an essay on the following topic: “As a young person, you must have a lot of dream. If you were granted the opportunity to fulfill ONE dream, what would that be? Why would you want that one dream to come true?”


A dream that may not be fulfilled



    Everyone has their own dreams, especially youngsters. It is because there are plenty of possibilities in their life. As a member of them, I, myself, have various kinds of dreams which I really want to reach them. However, there are lots of dreams that they cannot be controlled by me. For myself, I want to be a war reporter due to the attention of related people in the wars. For my parents, I hope they are long life. For my society, I aim she can become more harmonious. For the world, I wish she is peaceful. Nevertheless, those cannot be reached easily by myself. But if I were provided a chance to fulfill my dream, I would choose the last one.

    The influences of wars are very deep, including the shrinking of population and the violence among the societies. A good example of this is the war of Middle East. It is the differences between Islam and Christianity that causes the war among those countries. The armies always kill the citizens wrongly. They may be a foreign reporter, a parent of a child… Violence among the societies are stem from the wars as well. Nationals may rob other’s possessions or attack people during the war. Harmony is not a word in the dictionary of those societies. So terrible is the war in our Earth.

    The fear of war leads to my dream of world peace. If my dream can be reached successfully, it is what a wonderful world. Imagine that it is a world with no wars. No people are killed because of the wars. The children can live with their fellow parents in a beautiful house with health. And the war reporters? Their works will certainly be cancelled but leave the post with happiness. It is confidences among citizens that make the harmonious communities. People can trust someone around them. People can believe that no one will attack themselves because of wars. We all can lives in those secure places which are the paradise for us. Such a beautiful world is our Earth.

     Therefore, the reason of fulfilling my dream is that human can lives in the peaceful world. In fact, my other dreams can also be reached by fulfilling the dream of having a peaceful world. Nonetheless, I have no opportunity to reach one of my dream which is being a war reporter. Actually, who really wants to be a member of them? I am happy if there are no jobs for the war reporters. I am happy if my dream can be reached.

[ 本帖最後由 EtaCarinae 於 2014-1-11 12:00 AM 編輯 ]
   

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咪又係亂改



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[隱藏]
引用:
原帖由 clavin369 於 2014-1-16 02:06 AM 發表
d老師識條春咩
DSE只要英文有4
五科拎4都唔洗 就入到教院
6年後你就可以教英文



教院唔係一定要英文5咩
同埋中學好少請教院仔...
只可以講如果連老師都係亂改,好多人係網上就更加係亂黎

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thanks

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This is so weird and boring.
Some chinglish words are used.
C:2/7
L:3/7
O:2/7

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引用:
原帖由 pkmhacker 於 2014-1-16 05:05 PM 發表
This is so weird and boring.
Some chinglish words are used.
C:2/7
L:3/7
O:2/7
咁計法咪LV2都冇...
我上年作文都拎LV3,差少少LV4(有買分紙,15+14 / 12+14 = 136/210..差幾分LV4)
今年不進反退?

陰公,咁我想問有咩要改善?
我諗第時真係唔好叫人評GRADE..好大打擊

[ 本帖最後由 EtaCarinae 於 2014-1-16 11:09 PM 編輯 ]

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引用:
原帖由 EtaCarinae 於 2014-1-16 11:08 PM 發表

咁計法咪LV2都冇...
我上年作文都拎LV3,差少少LV4(有買分紙,15+14 / 12+14 = 136/210..差幾分LV4)
今年不進反退?

陰公,咁我想問有咩要改善?
我諗第時真係唔好叫人評GRADE..好大打擊
呢度d人比grade唔好咁認真
第一 呢到大部分都係學生唔係marker 兩者睇野好唔如

就算係marker比既分都可以差好遠 更何況係學生?


第二 呢到一定有d專門擾敵既人(不要對號入座) 明明好既都講到垃圾




所以得個睇字算lol

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The influences of wars are very deep, including the shrinking of population and the violence among the societies. A good example of this is the war of Middle East. It is the differences between Islam and Christianity that causes the war among those countries. The armies always kill the citizens wrongly. They may be a foreign reporter, a parent of a child… Violence among the societies are stem from the wars as well. Nationals may rob other’s possessions or attack people during the war. Harmony is not a word in the dictionary of those societies. So terrible is the war in our Earth.

呢段好深奧 訊息量奇大

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lv 4 la

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批改英文作文服務

根據調查,寫作係普遍香港學生英語水平中最弱既一範。唔想被寫作卷拉底英文科成績而影響入U機會?咁你就要趁早搵辦法改善寫作能力啦!
寫作並不是practice便能makes perfect. 你需要既係一位用心既老師為你批改作文,準確地指出你既錯誤,並且提供有用既改善方法!試問學校老師每日要改上百份功課,又點會有心機為你做到以上幾點?天皇天后亦只會派助手隨便為你打個分數,寫幾句模凌兩可既評語交差。
本人為香港中文大學英文系二年級生,具多年補習經驗,LV.1 至LV.5** 既作文我都批改過,因此深深明白學生常犯錯誤及失分原因。為更有效地幫助同學改善寫作能力、取得更高分數,本人提供既批改服務會有以下特點:
→        100% 按照考評局marking scheme 批改
→        詳細解釋你犯下的grammatical mistakes
→        最少100 字評語
→        建議改善方法
→        估計level

費用及付款方法:
每篇 $60 ,過數到銀行戶口(恆生)

交文方法:
將入數紙及作文(以Microsoft Word 格式) 傳送到電子郵箱,三天內會以電郵回覆,發還已批改好的作文。

有意請inbox問我戶口number同email

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RUBBISH

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