Dear
all club members,
First of all, congratulations to you all for
winning the best performance in the drama competition last week
(where is the verb in this sentence?). Nevertheless, we have received a complaint from City Hall about the poor behaviour of us when we
are attending it.
They told us they many of us have not paid attention to other schools' performances after we have finished our own. Some chatted non-stop with their friends while some ate snacks without realizing that eating is prohibited in the City Hall. I
hope you understand that this is very disrespectful to those who were on stage at that time and this has obviously broken the rules of the City Hall. If you put yourself in other's shoes, you will
feel for those on stage who saw people not even looking at them (I don't understand what you want to express.). They, like us, have put a lot of
effort in preparing a show to share with not only the judges but also us, the audience. Moreover, talking and eating had caused great disturbance to others who were enjoying the performance. Not to mention
that may be other members of our school who hope to watch other's performance yet failed to do so.
Apart from the above impacts that the misbehaviour in the City Hall has brought about, the reputation of our school is seriously damaged. Although this may not directly contribute to our result in various drama competitions, won't you be ashamed that you heard people saying that
your school only
excel in performances while
lack consideration for others?
I truly believe that one's personality that
he or she demonstrated is far more important than external talents or achievements. Only by showing
well-being (I am not sure whether it can be used in this way.) can we earn other's respect and
respect for yourself as well. If you wish to be respected by others, you should be considerate at the first place. I am not writing this letter to blame you all for not behaving well on that day. Instead, I sincerely hope that you all can learn something after this experience and thus
avoiding making the same mistakes again next time.
In order to compensate
for our misbehavior, I
hope we can all draft a sorry letter to the City Hall to show our regret. Please attend
to our regular meeting next Tuesday to discuss the details of the letter and a briefing on the coming competition will also be given. I hope to see improvements in the coming future in various occasion. It is the experience that we gained from mistakes
that really matters after all. Thank you for your attention and once again please attend the meeting punctually.
Best regards,
Eunice Liu
Chairperson of the Drama Club
The blue parts are mistakes (at least I think so, you can doubt it for sure.)
In general, your writing is not bad. You have demonstrated good grammar accuracy, wide range of vocab and complex sentence structures. While the only problem of your writing is that your writing is a bit redundant. It is somehow unnatural to read it.
Anyway, you have done a good job. You can try to improve your grammar accuracy (aim at flawless!!!) and a effective communication skill (making your essay sophisticated yet easy to read).
Guessing your grade is pointless, I am not a professional marker and the grade may be far from reality... but I can guarantee that your writing can at least get a pass
