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[Eng] 求狠評 Eng Writing

求狠評 Eng Writing

6. Learning English through SportsCommunication
There is talk of certain schools removing PE lessons from the curriculum so students can concentrate more on academic subjects. Write a letter to the Secretary of Education expressing your views on this proposal.

Dear Sir,

Education in Hong Kong is notorious for its wide curriculum. Students and teachers are trying to invest more time on subjects that will be examined. Some schools have recently proposed revoking PE lessons so that students can have more time to focus on academic subjects. However, doing so will lead to a number of negative impacts and cost our society dearly. PE lessons are a key component for the growth of teenagers. It is simply illegitimate for schools and students to consider them as a waste of time.


PE lessons are as important as other lessons, because they are the major way to promote public health among teenagers. Through engaging in aerobic activities during PE lessons, students will have stronger muscles and bones, and have strengthened immune system against infections. Once they are infected, their body cells can respond quickly to these bacteria and viruses, and the immune system will aid the body to recover more quickly. As students are on a steep growing slope, it is essential for them to build up a strong immunity to stayhealthy. On a broader view, having stronger immunity will make students less vulnerable to diseases, and hence lower the chance of an epidemic outbreak among them.


Secondly, on the contrary to some opposing views, doing exercises, in fact, helps students get prepared for examinations. Apart from having a more healthy body, doing sports can allow students to flex their muscles after the dull lessons,and hence reduce their pressure. Exercises are also proved to stimulate the production of endorphins, which can keep teenagers happy and optimistic during examinations periods. Students can find a way to relax themselves and stay away from the pile of work temporarily during PE lessons. This can dramatically improve their learning efficiency and help them attain higher achievements. The power of PE lessons on studying is not to be understated.


Moreover, PE lessons are an integral part of a teenager’s personal growth. They are the main way for students to learn and acquire interpersonal skills. Students will come across the idea of sportsmanship, in which they understand how to treat their opponents. For example, they learn to shake hands with opponents after each game. They also learn to respect every match and perform as well as they can. They will, therefore, grasp the importance of respecting others, enabling them to communicate better in everyday life. I believe that, students will bemore mature and sociable if they attend PE lessons.


On the other hand, some schools claim that academic subjects are more important to students as they will be examined, and directly affect students’ chance of getting admitted to universities. However, just because PE lessons are not examined does not mean they are not as important. The effect of PE lessons goesf ar beyond the chance of admission to universities. They link to the physical and mental health of students and affect their whole life. Also, without a healthy body, how can a student bear the workload in university even if he gets admitted? It is obvious that PE lessons are indispensable for students.


That some schools propose forgoing PE is regrettable. They have apparently underestimated the importance of PE lessons, and their power on teenagers and society. It is unreasonable to drop such meaningful lessons just to give way to other academic subjects. As the Secretary of Education, you should look into their proposals seriously, and show a clear stance that PE lessons are not to be removed from the curriculum.


Thank you for your kind attention.



Yours faithfully,


Chris Wong



[ 本帖最後由 leekachun2001 於 2014-1-26 10:06 PM 編輯 ]
   

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[隱藏]
Strictly speaking, dopamine should be the main material make us feel happy instead of endorphins. Endorphins mainly produce when threatened in order to reduce painful ness.



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Sorry... I don't take Biology...
Thanks~

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Actually, endorphins are one of the components constituting the feeling of happiness. Dopamine does not necessarily make you happier but helps animals developing habits by rewarding.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endorphin

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我覺得呢篇文穩穩陣陣應該起碼有四既

Introduction 第一句既Notorious 用得唔好 中文譯番黎算係惡名昭彰既意思 太負面
而Invest more time 都唔好,多數Time 會跟Allow => allowing more time / allocating more time
又或者直接invest heavily  再者Invest 多數跟 in 唔跟on

整體結構建議將第三段放係第二段因為論Content point既重要性,一定係第三段比較好
而第二段其實同篇文既內容唔太關事,既然唔係生物學,所以唔需要提太多Biological terms.

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呢個教育制度係唔得掂局長手下真係惡名昭彰 bo
I guess I'd change "invest more time" to "devote/put more time" next time.

I see what you mean. Thx~

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Actually, when you refer to the description in SCMP/ other media about our education system, the curriculum is just one of the characteristics but not something bad. It gives a bad image to the marker that you cannot handle the materials that you should master in the three years of learning.

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If you say so.

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lv4

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4-5 :)

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Level 4 / 5.
Skim and scan 左一次, well-constructed and some good use of vocab.
Paragraph 6 - "As the Secretary of Education, you should look into their proposals seriously, and show a clear stance that PE lessons are not to be removed from the curriculum."
用you should 好似有少少order 的成份, 可以再禮貌D更好 eg.用 I sincerely hope that you would...

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Lv 4 haha

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Dear sir/ madam ? i think

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唔錯   有LV5  or above  
睇完你篇大作,   我即刻出去跑左 10個圈   

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引用:
原帖由 frankie0401 於 2014-1-30 05:29 PM 發表
Actually, endorphins are one of the components constituting the feeling of happiness. Dopamine does not necessarily make you happier but helps animals developing habits by rewarding.

http://en.wiki ...
扯,   改卷果 D友仔唔通上網去查咩      聽古咪駁古啦

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