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[Eng] 2009 UE 英作求評

2009 UE 英作求評

Students and parents from your school have raised a large sum of money for China’s development. The school Principal is now asking students for their opinions as to which one of the following two initiatives in China should receive the money: (i) further space exploration; or (ii) basic healthcare and education in rural area. Write a letter to the Principal, saying which initiative should receive the donation and why it should not be given to the other.

Dear Principal,
I am writing to express my point of view on the usage money raised by the munificent students and parents of our school. That is, to spend on the basic healthcare and education in the rural area. But before I explain why, please kindly allow me to brief on the background to assist the judgment. The mode of development of China since the economic reform and opening up in 1978 manifests an intriguing paradox. In the wake of 21st century, the Chinese government has been investing a large sum of capitals and resources in the exploration of space, and has attained considerable accomplishments. The launching into space of the Chinese astronaut, Yang Liwei, in 2003 marked the milestone of Chinese space exploration and history of technology in China. Nonetheless, at the very same moment when the Chinese blazed their trails in the space, the social security in many regions in China was still halting and remained the standard of the third world. This ironical picture is nothing queer in China, that the emaciated pupils in ragged clothes are hailing the glorious breakthrough of Chinese space exploration in a dilapidated campus.

The above depicted paradox stems from the fact that China is a very populated economic powerhouse. Whereas the central government is able to focus resources in projects that the average third world countries are not capable of ever achieving, the resources allocated to the welfare of people are comparatively very limited per head. This phenomenon is further exacerbated by the urban-rural disparity in China, that the resources received by the rural population, standing for half of Chinese population in 2012, are even more meagre. The rudimentary social security in the rural region is not guaranteed. Although the Chinese government stressed on nine years of compulsory education, it is already very fortunate for many children in backward rural region, like the Yunnan province, to have a chance to complete six years of primary education. And for healthcare system, after the de facto abolishment of planned economy of China in the late 1970s, healthcare is a luxury for rural population thanks to the marketization of healthcare system and the imbalanced economic development tilted to urban area.

So, what extrapolation can be drawn from the above briefing, to corroborate my view on where the money ought to be spent? I believe there are two that can be used to justify my view. The first reason is a pragmatic consideration, that this sum of money can achieve its greatest effect in education and healthcare in the rural area. It is a common sense, that space exploration requires astronomical expenditure because of the huge cost of research and development which is virtually a repeated process of trying errors. In the race of space exploration between the US and USSR in the Cold War ceased in the 1970s because even the superpowers dried up their budgets in this race of ‘money burning’, which involved far more than tens of billion of US dollar. It is not unimaginable that, how trivial is the sum of money raised from merely a school in HK. Perhaps a flawed experiment of shooting a satellite to the atmosphere have already used up hundreds of times of the money raised. It is just unintelligent and unjustifiable to waste the money raised by parents and students in this way – it just does not help much for the space exploration. However, when this sum of money is utilized in the social security of the rural area, much can be helped. Refurbishing school campuses in remote areas, building new ones, hiring more teachers and sponsoring more students cost far less than space exploration, as well as setting up more clinics and hiring physicians in rural regions. Yet, by doing so, the destinies of innumerable students and patients are altered ever since. It is not hard at all to screen out the more efficient usage of the money among the two choices available.

Apart from the aforementioned pragmatism, the buttressing reason of opting for education and healthcare is the message it brings about to the students. Clearly, how much the money raised matters is not the crux, as similar to a five dollar donation to charity. The most essential is to choose the right thing to do, so that a correct and positive message is sent to the students by our school. And I am now going to extrapolate that why putting money on education and healthcare is the right thing to do as compared to putting it on space exploration. As we often hear, education is an investment of human capital so that more can be contributed by the students in the future. Investing more resources in education can boost the future development potential of China in multifaceted perspectives, including space exploration. Moreover, dumping more resources in education helps ameliorate the dearth of social mobility today in China, hence equal opportunities can be assured and standard of living of the students born in penury can be improved. The economy of China can be developed in a more balanced way and the social mobility can be boosted. And for most rural households, healthcare is a heavy burden, so they cannot afford to be ill. It spawns peril to public health which not only undermines economic productivity, but also exacerbates urban-rural disparity as the rural population becomes more difficult to save money and hence their capability of consumption and investment. And most important of all, deprivation of the equal accessibility to education and healthcare implicates the deprivation of human rights of a large proportion of Chinese population. It threatens the ruling legitimacy of the current CCP government and engenders social instability. Compared to the profound repercussions of neglecting the social security of the people, space exploration lacks imperative at the present stage.

They are certainly outcries for the preference of space exploration to education and healthcare in the society, in both HK and China, comprising of mainly the idea of patriotism and nationalism.

The argument stresses on the glory of space exploration brings about to China. The purported patriots claim, that space exploration marks the inception of national revival and extrication from the persecution of the Western imperialism. This argument certainly does not hold much water and is, in fact, superficial, for it reiterates again and again the fallible logical link, that advancement of hardware of the nation necessarily implies the country to be ‘strong’. The overall national strength of a country does not only include how far a country can travel into the space, but also the concrete living standard and felicity of its own people. The post-WWII Stalinist socialist states, exemplified by the USSR, were superior to the West on space technology and military strength in the early Cold War. However, their industries were tilted to military and heavy industry, most remarkably space technology, which led to the loss of popularity of the regimes among their people –catalysed by the radical reformation of Mikhali Gorbachev – hence the collapse of the Berlin Wall. The revelation the experiences of these socialist states brought to us was the vital importance of the living standard of the people. Yes, space exploration brings progresses to human civilization, but to solve the problems in the tummies is always the priority. To donate the sum of money to space exploration, which is already progressing sufficiently rapid, is to encourage the already imbalanced development. As saying goes, patriotism is the last shelter of a scoundrel. Patriotism is not an ideology based on rational thought. Blind pursuit of national glory leads to only one final destination – demise.

The usage of our money raised should indubitably be utilized on the improvement of the living standard of the people, which ought to be always the first priority of a nation – an entity formed for the sake of people’s felicity. I sincerely hope, Mr. Principal, that you can contemplate upon my reason seriously and make the correct decision.

Respectfully yours,
Chris Wong
(Signature)


[ 本帖最後由 hkdsefighter 於 2012-3-17 01:01 AM 編輯 ]
   

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[隱藏]
'Queer' shouldn't be used in an exam.
I know you weren't making reference to the offensive meaning, but these slangs should be avoided.

Other than that,
excellent language, one of the best essay I've ever read on lsforum

Level 5**

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I didn't think 'queer' is a slang - I just wanted to express 'strange'.

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My weakest point is organization, any improvement can be made on that?

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請問一下你作呢篇文花左幾多時間?
AL要求係75 mins以內作完,字數500左右,
你可以作到成千幾字?

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引用:
原帖由 pkscl 於 2012-3-15 10:45 PM 發表
請問一下你作呢篇文花左幾多時間?
AL要求係75 mins以內作完,字數500左右,
你可以作到成千幾字?
大概75~90分鐘 (dse要求) , 但係因為我打字快過寫字所以實際時間會更多
到真係考試內容會比較濃縮

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引用:
原帖由 hkdsefighter 於 2012-3-15 10:49 PM 發表

大概75~90分鐘 (dse要求) , 但係因為我打字快過寫字所以實際時間會更多
到真係考試內容會比較濃縮
我相信要咁短時間作呢篇咁多深字又咁豐富既內容既文,連一些英文老師都不可以做到。我相信樓主既水平已經有老師級數了。

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雖然樓主你係作到成千字...
但係要你響500-600字寫番係唔可能
所以最好都唔好做壞手勢...寫番500-600字好d

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回覆 6# hkdsefighter 的帖子

I' wrote 800+ words in my HKCEE and left 30 minutes early but I still got the highest grade)
It's about quality though.

Organisation is fine. But beware if you can't write that much in an examination you might end up having an unbalanced essay...

good luck!

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引用:
原帖由 slytherinhk 於 2012-3-15 11:47 PM 發表
雖然樓主你係作到成千字...
但係要你響500-600字寫番係唔可能
所以最好都唔好做壞手勢...寫番500-600字好d
你係指係用500~600字寫返同等內容份量無可能?

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引用:
原帖由 unchainedmelody 於 2012-3-16 12:07 AM 發表
I' wrote 800+ words in my HKCEE and left 30 minutes early but I still got the highest grade)
It's about quality though.

Organisation is fine. But beware if you can't write that much in an examinat ...
Wow, 800+ words with 30min left and highest grade...

btw, thx
Perhaps I will plan an outline for the essay and the approximate words first before writing the essay
One of my bad habit is that I never plan before I write, and the essay often become unbalanced in real exams

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係啦,我諗去有種grammar mistake唔知dse緊唔緊要
Compared to the profound repercussions of neglecting the social security of the people, space exploration lacks imperative at the present stage.
照計profound repercussions ... people就唔可以同space exploration直接比較
但係成日唔覺意就會犯呢種毛病
係香港公開試其實呢樣算唔算一個值得注意既錯誤?

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回覆 13# hkdsefighter 的帖子

嘩,成3點幾都上黎推文= =
你溫書溫到3點幾??

我覺得你篇文長得好緊要= =
濃縮D,,,,例如舉少D例仔,,,

PS, 想問你係咪想入英文系??英文好到有大學程度咁= =
「眼見自己身處既地方愈沉淪,仲仍然可以處於一個超級政治潔癖既心態下反抗。究竟呢班豬豬幾時先明白香港政治有幾咁Dirty?幾時先知道班政棍根本唔係我地同路人?幾時先知抗爭要既唔係做比人睇,係要贏?」

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回覆 14# pic5starstar 的帖子

其實我係上高登hea到三點幾,無心溫書
同埋我例子其實已經算少(得兩個:太空競賽同東歐共產國家),不過可能elaboration係太多

英文系?無興趣,我對engine反而更有興趣

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