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[Eng] 英文作文練習 得返十幾日幫幫手/.\ (重發)

英文作文練習 得返十幾日幫幫手/.\ (重發)

小弟今天再作嘗試  儘管超時  但繼續一求評語=]

Dear Lucy,
I really miss those days we chatted in the bedroom, hanged out and bought beautiful clothes! You cannot imagine how bored I have been since you moved. Oh... Sorry. I feel so bitter that you have unpleasant experiences with Pete's parents. Although my advices may not be that feasible and useful, I hope that I can at least cheer you up.

Noticing the criticism from them, I must say that this only a matter of different lifestyle and value standard. You are a trendy and stylish girl who keeps in touch with the most recent fashion culture. Older people are often mild, if not pigheaded, and hate all kinds of pop culture. Therefore, I advise you to wear an extra coat before returning home to reduce the chance of being accused. I know that getting rid of your interest to satisfy their requirements is nonsense. Compromising is the better way, isn't it?

Regarding  your behaviour and speech, I think you should try to improve. Manner is emphasized in both Chinese and Western culture. We cannot condemn your parents-in-law for obeying traditional virtues. Stepping out a little bit is not that tough for you. Do you remember the soap opera we watched in the last year about the war between a wife and her mother-in-law? Wu Hangyee and Wong Mingchuen starred very well. At the end, they got along well with each other and lived in harmony. I trust you can do this!

For the worst case, you may do exactly what our parents did. Dad worked very hard and bought an independent flat. Dad and Mum lived without being discontent with grandpa and grandma. If you are very mad, you may make this choice. Family will support you forever.

Nevertheless, I am looking forward to the delighted Lucy that I knew! By the way, I bought your favourite food--Jenny Bakery's cookies. Feel free to come back home and eat them with me!
Love,
Ann

Q7
Are smartphones that addictive and influential?

Every day you can see people holding smartphones, stretching their fingers on the screen, playing Angry Birds or Draw Something, using Whatsapp and surfing the Net. Who made this? "Stay hungry. Stay foolish." Under this belief, the legendary man Steve Jobs launched the new era of information age and won claps from the entire world. It is unquestionable that smartphones have penetrated into our daily life. This trigger off diverse opinions on whether people from different age groups are addicted to smartphones. In response to this issue, I am going to shed light on it and share my point of view.

What makes smartphones so tantalizing? A tiny gadget offers you with interesting games,face-to-face communication and free access to the Internet. Not only can teenagers chat with their companions without time and space constraints, but adults can also fulfill occupational needs or watch the hottest news. No one imagined a mobile phone could be far more functional than chatting two decades ago. Now that we can work and entertain simultaneously without carrying bulk equipment, there is no doubt that smartphones vigorously dominate and become our best friends.
Let's take Draw something as an example. It is simply a mini-game between two people guessing what each other draws. But why does it sweep over the city? The prevalence of smartphones. After speedy sharing of the game, almost all smartphone users are obsessed with it. Together with the drive of Facebook for smartphones, now I can firmly approves that people are addicted to smartphones.
If we dig into the deeper ground, we can easily notice that smartphones symbolize both trend and wisdom. It appears that a smartphone holder is identical to a smart person. This leads to an unhealthy phemomenon - conspicious consumption. Some may regard using smartphones superior to others. Over the years, there are numerous media,ranging from television programmesto newspaper articles, revealing teenagers demand for smartphones solely in order to gain recognition from their friends. In the view of teenagers, missing a smartphone just like being driven out of the world. Hence those who cannot afford a smartphone feel inferior and upset whereas the other camp choose to buy a smartphone without consideration. Eventually, a viscous cycle is formed. Perhaps, the major concern should not be if people are addicted to smartphones; instead, it is high time we retrospected and determined whether we are under the illusion of smartphones.
Anyway, smartphones provide us with much convenience and a revoluntionary taste of advanced technology. Buttressed by solid attributes, the success of smartphones is actually an absolute result. However, smartphones also signifies how high-tech products stratify our society. I could say there is no much difference between smartphones and nuclear power. Humans often distort the idea of their inventors and lose the ability of self-control. Here and now, I do not oppose the craze of smartphones but I sincerely hope that people can maintain an appropriate attitude towards it. Inventors work for the betterment of human's life but not its doom.
   

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[隱藏]
做乜又重發既??

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真係冇人幫到我?  求下你地

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overall LV5
a piece of stylish writing
do you join any tutorial class in KGE,BEACON ?
it is bad to see your writing under the shadow of " 5** Model Essay "

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沒有 也沒有補p chan
cliches是以前籠統背下的,所以常常出現低級錯誤
anyway THANKS

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Lv5, but you should remind yourself that you are overtime.

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明白 ,  要多花時間proofread

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第1篇200字
grammar

Although my advices may not be that feasible and useful, I hope that I can at least cheer you up.
advice係uncountable的 , 冇得加s
I must say that this only a matter of different lifestyle and value standard.
that後面跟句子,你冇左個verb
(that後面也可跟noun phrase ge但我會以句子型式寫你呢句,加番個is, 咁好似好核突)
Older people are often mild, if not pigheaded, and hate all kinds of pop culture
冇必要這樣寫吧..

其實我知你寫咩, 不過如果topic sentence果到寫左咩advice先再elaborate , 結構又會好d
tone方面唔錯,明顯地你知道篇文的tone係要very informal
Lv4啦我估
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第2篇 好好wor...不論用字句構同內容
Lv5啦

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第1篇應同tododile睇法 最大改善應該係topic sentence then elaborate 呢個考試局都好強調下 因為呢個可以影響organization...第2篇 This trigger(s) off diverse opinions on whether people from different age groups are addicted to smartphones. In response to this issue, I am going to shed light on it and share my point of view.

and第2篇多1個argument會好d    i guess lv 5 for 2nd piece and lv4 for 1st piece   add oil!

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再推推....

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thanks

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